When I got to high school, my inferiority complex got the best of me. I was in a gifted school. A highly selective school for gifted and talented students in Nigeria. Yet, I sucked at maths. It seemed like I didn’t fit in or I wasn’t good enough to be there. And again, my mom shaved my hair in 7th grade. To make matters worse, I was bullied and body shamed by my classmates. I didn’t feel pretty, smart, or worthy. I felt like I was intellectually, physically, and socially inferior to my friends. Once I had successfully accepted myself, I discovered how lucky I was. I became inspired by my own story. I realized how hard I have worked to be a better person and I decided to dedicate my time to helping other people. I wished to enable them to soar above their constant self-disapproval. And as I publish this post today, I hope that it will help someone out there. There’s nothing wrong with you. You need to understand that everyone in this world is inferior in one way or the other. You are beautiful, special, and wonderful. You need to appreciate the things you have. You need to identify your strengths and focus on developing them. Your weaknesses and strengths make you unique. There would be no you without them. Trying to change or presenting a false side of yourself to people will not help you become better. It would crush your mind instead. Finally, I want you to know this. NOBODY IS SUPERIOR. NOBODY IS INFERIOR. BUT NOBODY IS EQUAL EITHER. PEOPLE ARE SIMPLY UNIQUE, AND INCOMPARABLE. YOU ARE YOU. I AM I.How I Overcame My Inferiority Complex
I wasn’t expecting to receive any emails from this blog within the first 24 hours of my first blog posts. I was really surprised to find two wonderful emails from two visitors but their identity would obviously be hidden from this blog to respect their privacy.
From the emails received, I was able to detect a similar problem between them. With their permission, I decided to create this post to discuss this challenge with you. Its good to always share a story or advise because you don’t know how many people may need it.
Define Yourself Always, Be Confident. A person should be two things; who and what she wants to be. Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter, don’t mind. Be who you want to be, don’t let people bring you down. Just put yourself out there and hope for the best. Don’t wait for approval in being who you are, don’t take anything from anyone and always stand up for yourself. Carry yourself like a queen and you will attract a king.
Believe In Yourself, believe in your dreams and your potentials. Do not believe in the haters because they believe in nothing. That’s why they are haters. Believe in all you are and acknowledge there’s something inside you that is greater than any obstacles because believing in your abilities affects your motivation, your choices, your toughness, and your determination. If you don’t believe in yourself, then nobody will.
Do Not Question Your Life. Don’t ask yourself too many questions about life because once you do, you’re going to end up going insane looking for the right answer. Most questions in life don’t have answers. Don’t ask why people keep hurting you, ask yourself why you allow that to happen. Concern yourself with not what is right or wrong but what is important. Somebody died last night, but you didn’t. Somebody didn’t wake up this morning, but you did. You’re not lucky, you’re blessed.
Do Not Compare Yourself To Anyone. Don’t compare yourself to others, compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Don’t ever compare yourself to anything in this world because if you do, you’re insulting yourself. Don’t rush the process. Allow yourself to grow at your own pace. Stop comparing your life to what other people are doing. The worst thing you can do to yourself is judge yourself through the eyes of others.
Flee From Jealousy And Envy. Don’t envy anyone because everyone has something no one has. Develop that one thing about yourself and make it outstanding. Don’t waste your time on jealousy because sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and at the end, its only with yourself. Accept what is. Let go of what was. And have faith in what will be. Your Speed doesn’t matter, Forward is Forward. Life is very short, so forgive quickly, believe slowly, love truly, laugh loudly and never avoid anything that makes you smile.
Don’t lose yourself trying to hold onto someone who doesn’t care about losing you. Don’t lose yourself, its good to follow leaders but its even better to become one. Don’t lose yourself in an attempt to recover money, people or your past because those things never last. If you were happy before you met someone, you can be happy after they’re gone. Putting yourself first isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Be there for others but never leave yourself behind because there are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.
Motivate Yourself. Everyday you need to look yourself in the eye and ask yourself if this is what you should be doing with your life. Every morning, take a good look at yourself in the mirror and say I am going to have a great day. Every single day, you should wake up and commit yourself to becoming a better person. Remember, it’s easy to get started, but the real fight is to keep going even on the days you don’t feel like it. It’s these days that you want to quit that will make you successful.
Everyone one of us is born with unlimited potential, we have the ability and intelligence to make the impossible possible. Remember, the only person that can hold you back in life is yourself, you just cant dream it, you must believe that you have the power to achieve it. Getting ahead in a difficult profession requires avid faith in yourself. That is why some people with mediocre talent, but with great inner drive, go much further than people with vastly superior talent. Forgive those who insult you, attack you or take you for granted. But more than that, forgive yourself for allowing them to hurt you. Surround yourself with people who have dreams, desire and ambition. They will help you realize your own. Being happy doesn’t mean you’re perfect. It just means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. A day without laughter is a day wasted !!!!
Never be ashamed of your hustle. Nobody will feed you if you go broke!! One day you will tell your story of how you’re overcome what you’re going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.
There is alot to say or write but for now;
You are free, you are powerful, you are good, you are love, you have value, you have a purpose. All is well.
This article discusses depression, self-harm, and disordered eating. Consider not reading this if you feel triggered.
Before last week, I have never heard about Borderline Personality Disorder or even considered diagnosing myself. But I have been openly talking about my feelings and how I constantly struggle with identifying myself as a person and accepting my personality. I get a lot of questions concerning it and I was prompted to write a post on my website titled “Paradox“.
At the time of publishing that post, I was so confused and uncertain about myself. I was dealing with my constant creation of a distorted self image, then to my irritable mood swings and isolation.
I was losing interest in everything and everyone I cared about; I stopped doing the things I loved because I suddenly didn’t like doing them anymore. Sometimes, I will write about how sad I felt and how everyone around me was neglecting and ignoring me. To make matters worse, I was withdrawing from the people that really cared about me.
I have always struggled with my body image even before 10. I have written a post about it as well on my blog. I was emotionally bullied in high school because of the way I looked. And at home, my family would make jokes about it too, laughing and talking about my insecurities. I started to go on diets; eating and consuming high calorie content meals to add weight. In many ways, I was punishing myself and trying to take control of my mind.
Looking back at my childhood experiences, I remember that I grew up with little support from my parents. I was raised by different nannies, because my mother was a young student and my father lived in another state. The few times my parents were together, they never shared any sweet memories that I can remember. I guess that caused my constant feeling of abandonment.
I will be quoting some lines from my old post “Paradox” and reflecting on them.
"I am a paradox. I want to be happy but I think of things that make me sad. I want to smile but I prefer to turn that smile upside down. I want to fill the room with my laughter but I constantly do things that makes me cry. When I deserve to cry, I try to laugh harder than I have ever laughed."
My constant mood swings and inability to deal with my emotions have always been a problem for me. I started working on myself in eleventh grade, carefully trying to understand my feelings and why I would lash out for a very minor issue and ignore a major one. I had no control over my emotions. They could switch at any time and sometimes, I knew that I was getting angry for nothing but I couldn’t stop myself. My mother would often say that I am so bitter with myself and I am always walking around filled with rage for everyone. Whenever I felt deeply troubled, I would write or read a book to distract myself. Books and writing was my therapy. They provided a sense of comfort and support for me, allowing me to escape from the things that haunted me.
"I am a paradox. I say I don’t care but I do. I crave attention but reject it when it comes my way. I am faithful yet detached. I am committed, yet relaxed. I love everyone and yet no one."
I am unable to maintain relationships. I am easily attached to people, quick to love and accept them into my heart but also quick to push them away. I would do anything for the people I call my friends but one wrong move and I would shut them out of my life. I had a very minor argument with my best friend and this lasted for three months. I couldn’t take any graduation pictures with her because I was angry with not only her but myself. I also couldn’t see what was my offense and how to address the issue. I am someone who would talk to you endlessly for three days and never speak to you again.
I often wonder if the people around me ever considered me to be abnormal or mentally unstable because looking back at my life, I do realize how much help I needed.
Getting Self Diagnosed
Before you say I need to see a therapist to fully diagnose bpd, I would like you to know that I have been struggling with these feelings I described for years. Borderline personality disorder can be easy or hard to diagnose but in my case, I think it is pretty obvious.
Like I mentioned earlier, I recently discovered what a borderline personality disorder is. It actually started with a tiktok video. I was online, watching videos on Tiktok by 2:00am in the morning when a video popped up on my fyp. It was a lady talking about the traits and characteristics of someone who has a borderline personality disorder. I was intrigued because I have never heard about such a disorder and the “borderline” really made it seem extreme. While watching the video, I instantly recognized these traits and slowly realized that I had exhibited almost all of them.
Immediately, I began to make my research. I watched a couple of other videos, read a lot of articles on google before coming to the conclusion that I have borderline personality disorder.
I cried for several minutes. All my life, I have felt this hole in my heart. Like I was a bottomless pit sucking life out of everyone and filled with nothing but emptiness. Sometimes, I would think I am just a cruel, mean person. A girl who didn’t deserve to be happy and that is why the universe has decided to punish me. I remembered the countless things I did to keep people in my life. The desperate actions I took that only made me look scary and impossible to deal with. I remembered my friends calling me an attention seeking person, but I only needed help. I needed that hole in my heart to be filled. Yes, there is something wrong with me but I now know that I am not cruel or mentally unstable. There is no cure for Borderline Personality Disorder but I can eventually learn how to deal with it and live a better life.
I reached out to an expert I found on Google and sent an email to her. She replied yesterday and confirmed that I need to seek professional help. But something she said captivated me.
She said that I have always known that something was wrong with me. And from the way I described my recent activities, she said that I have also started to deal with my bpd by slowly accepting that I cannot please everyone and have decided to be alone. And that is in fact true.
For the past six months of this year, I have been alone. I suffered severely in February, losing someone I really loved and I lost myself. After he left, I discovered that I had completely changed myself for him. I had changed my likes, dislikes, character and even my taste in music so I could be wanted. This led me to give up on everything. I focused on myself and decided to do the things I loved again. It has been hard especially with the recent developments and my relationship with my mother. This year, I have been struggling a lot with my emotions. I have become my mental therapist, trying so hard to defeat my mind.
I published my book titled “Let Your Mind Speak” this month as well. It is a book of poetry that is supposed to help those who are struggling with accepting and expressing themselves. I have always known my problems but never really worked hard enough to try to solve them.
She added that I am in a phase that is really helpful because I am open to deal with my problems. She said that I am working on myself the best way I can and all I need is a good therapist to help me out. I am in that phase of discovering who I am and what I want to do.
I have always been scared of being alone, but this year, I have been alone. Loving and doing the things I really want to do. It feels good and restorative.
However, I have also had the most self-sabotaging thoughts and ideas this year. I have acted out of impulse on several occasions, frequently losing control of myself. I still need help and I am so happy to get help. My diagnoses have shown me the steps to take and how to start working on myself.
I have shared this post because I know they are a lot of people who are struggling with accepting a personality disorder or going through a tough time and need help. You are not alone. I am here. I will continue to share my experience and the steps I am taking to be a better person and live a better life. And I hope that can help you with your own issues.
If you have also been recently diagnosed with bpd, this is a safe space to encourage people who are scared to confront themselves.
I know they are going to be good and bad days on this journey of mine but I am ready to work on myself. I know that it will get better someday. I know I deserve to experience internal peace. I know I deserve to be happy.
Thank you for reading so far. Be kind!
The beautiful thing about life is that you can always change, grow and get better. You aren’t defined by your past.You aren’t your mistakes.
There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind. Don’t wait for things to get better. Life will always be complicated. Learn to be happy right now, otherwise you’ll run out of time. You don’t need a reason for doing everything in your life. Do it because you want to. Because it’s fun. Because it makes you happy. If you don’t like your story, you have the power to rewrite it.
It may take a month, a year, or a decade. But if you want it bad enough, you’ll make it happen.
It’s not about winning the race always, sometimes it’s all about making it to the finishing line. Always remember the days you prayed for the things you have now. If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough. A life without challenge would be like going to school without lessons to learn. Be strong when you are weak, brave when you are scared, and humble when you are victorious. When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.
Don’t listen to society, because 98% of society is average and poor.
It’s funny how people judge other’s mistakes while they also do the same thing. The worst thing you can do to yourself is judge yourself through the eyes of others. Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them. Never forget who ignored you when you needed them and who helped you before you even had to ask. This journey is yours, take charge of it. Stop giving other people the power to shape your life. Not every person is going to understand you and that’s okay. They have a right to their opinion and you have every right to ignore it.
In the end, only three things matter; how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.
Everybody has gone through something that has changed them in a way that they could never go back to the person they once were. Change is hard at the beginning, messy in the middle, gorgeous at the end. I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received. Show respect even to people who don’t deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours. Do all the good you can, to as many people as you can, as often as you can. Be in love with your life. Every minute of it.
I hope this post was helpful to you. You need to know Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones that don’t. Always try to help someone. You might be the only one that does. Always smile more than you cry, always give more than you take, and always love more than you hate.
Because in the end, what I can truly say is:
Inhale the future. Exhale the past.
You Teach Others How To Treat You By What You Allow, What You Stop And What You Reinforce.Tony Gaskins
You silently teach others how to treat you by how you treat yourself. Move yourself up your priority list immediately. Make yourself your priority. At the end of the day, you are your longest priority. The one thing you can control is how you treat yourself and that one thing can change everything. You can’t always expect others to treat you right but you can treat yourself right. The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. Life becomes good when you become good to yourself as you are to others. It’s not selfish, it’s called self love.
Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how to treat you. You can’t force people to respect you but you can refuse to tolerate their disrespect. The more chances you give someone, the less respect they start to have for you. They will begin to ignore the standards you have set because they know another chance will be given to them. They are not afraid to lose you because they know that no matter what, you won’t walk away. They get comfortable depending on your forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you. Don’t tolerate disrespect, even from yourself.
You are not in this world to live up to anyone’s expectations. Live for yourself, for your dreams, for your happiness. You are you and that’s what matters. You are not here merely to make a living, you are here in order to enable the world live more amply, with a greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world and you impoverish yourself if you forget that errand. Don’t blame people for disappointing you, blame yourself for expecting too much from them. Be positive, stay happy and don’t let the negativity of this world get you down.
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